year of battle, struggle, and strive (to be continued)

One year ago, I was thinking about what will happen in my life this year, how can I get through this year with all the stuffs I have to deal. I started this year by doing activities that barely give me time to rest, or even breathe. I didn't list my resolutions nor my wishes at that time. Some philosophers kept saying to go with the flow and I believe that, oh at least for the moment. As for me, If it's meant to be, it'll happen.

However, as social beings, I don't live by myself, my ego and only thinking about my own needs without considering others. I got to the point "I can not go with the flow anymore or I should make my own flow and let it be". Then, at the moment I made a decision.

Unfortunately, it didn't happen as well as I wished.

I was confronted with problems or even with myself.

I can say, in the middle of this year, I was at my lowest point, almost gave up and fucked up everything and let myself drown in a sorrow deeper and deeper.

You know, when you feel like you really don't know what to do, it is actually not. You know what to do but you don't realize because of super-shit-holy-shit feelings inside your mind and I have to deal with these. Don't ask me about how was my holiday at that time, I never had it.

Until there was something led me back into the path, it was a responsibility, I guessed.

“And it may be that you dislike a thing, which is good for you and you like a thing, which is bad for you, God knows, but you do not know. “

Once I looked back and at the same time I imagined my future dreams. I tried to combine them through a line, a line that require me to finish all of these and so I pulled myself back. I did my best, God did the rest. That was the only thing in my mind. I ignored all the cynical gaze by some people, ignored the one who yelled "Oh c'mon you can not finish as easy as you thought, it is just too hard"

Here I am

I almost have completed this year with so much energy and fortunately it filled back with the love from people I love like an empty glass that needs to be filled with water, I never feel empty. I graduated in October with great feeling, perfect score and remarkable celebration. If you ask me now how was my last holiday, I will proudly answer it, it was fantastic. I am a living witness of that saying "no pain, no gain". It is true, for me.

Although now I have to deal with something bigger and those missing-feeling-thingy which can suddenly appear in my head and heart. I really thank God for this hard yet remarkable year and of course I thank you who read this. If there are any other words better than "thank you",  I will do, I ran out of words to say.

I started move away from campus life and my whole life there. Sad, but man, it's life.

I completely know that the following years will be more difficult to me, the battle, struggle, and strive will be continued.

It may be more complicated than I thought or may be less. I'm on my way to be a person as it should be, as God defined my fate when He created me at first with a little spoon of my own efforts, energy, and love. The last one is my source of happiness, I know.

Now, in these few days before step in to the next year, again I have to deal with such a dilemma. I was invited  by one of the mining company to join them. As I said before, exactly what I said one year ago, "If it's meant to be, it'll happen", if I should go, then I will go.

Yes I can say to you, life is a cycle. Life is a series of starts and finishes, there is no start without finish and vice versa.
One thing I can assure you, I'm still go with the flow, but now, in my own flow.

Oh, Merry Christmas too :)