Indonesian Women - We Don't Aim to Make Men Feel Intimidated: An Opinion

As one of those people who live abroad, social media is a tool for us to keep ourselves updated about what's happening in Indonesia (including those Instagram-worthy pictures of delicious foods from new hipster places :p). Until yesterday, I was scrolling down my timeline then stumbled upon a post from Henry Manampiring (whom I've been following on Twitter for years) on how Indonesian women still have to deal with tough choices before deciding to get higher education, of course, influenced by the notion that "women will end up in the kitchen, anyway, so what's the point?" or "higher education would sadly lower a chance for woman to find a husband". What a common (and shallow) view I've been hearing in my whole life.

A very well written opinion from a man's perspective and in my humble wish, I hope more men will perceive educated women not as a threat, but more like a co-pilot they can work with to control the plane, to make everything works. I have this ideal picture in mind that a marriage should function like an airplane. We start at the same point, we plot the routes, we share the same destination. The farther the destination, the longer the routes, the bigger the risk of having troubles, we all know that. Husband and wife relationship should work like pilot and co-pilot, not pilot and stewardess, or even scarier, pilot and passenger. 

Okay, stop. People may point at me and say, "you are not married yet, you don't know how it actually feels". Again, this is only an ideal view that I keep in my mind.

Two years ago, I decided to pursue my master's degree and left my country. At that point, I didn't hear any negative judgement regarding my decision from my surroundings. Later I know, it was probably because I grew up in an environment where women are seen equal to men in the context of education and career. Last year, I was on my way from Jakarta to Dubai where I sat next to a mid-aged woman who was on her way to do Umrah (a pilgrimage to Mecca by Muslims). She's from Pelabuhan Ratu (a small region in West Java) and we had a very warm conversation along the way. She asked me where I was going and my heart was shaking after I answered, "to Germany".

"Itu dimana, Neng? Neng nggak takut?" ("Where is it? Aren't you afraid?"), she looked curious.

I felt like the right answer should not just be, "No, I am not".

I am fully aware that sadly, only few women in my country have this courage to say, "No, I am not" if they were asked whether they're afraid or not to take high risks in their lives. Sad to be told, Indonesian society is a complex structure consists of many identities which then contributes to some limitation for women. Not only from the level of education, but also from cultural aspects. I may feel fine because I was raised by a woman who was previously a banker and got married in her late 20s, for example. But what about those who live their lives without even having a choice?

It is still a long way to say "No, I am not" then turns to "Yes, I will take the risks" for some Indonesian women. As mentioned in the post, an ideal scenario of having men and women equal in the context of education and career would hopefully lead to progression of society as a whole may remain a dream for now. As for me, what I can do now (starting from this blog post) is trying to move conventional notion that getting higher education for women will be useless and may that shallow thinking be shifted in a better way.

From what I believe, men and women have their own portion in life. That is why, personally, I could not fully agree on what feminism contains, especially the liberal ones. But I will certainly be on the front line defending the right for women to get education without having any cynical judgement about their choices.

That we don't aim to make men feel intimidated and insecure. The only thing we're looking for is a chance for intellectual growth that we will pass on to our children and see the huge differences in this nation later on.

Wouldn't that be an ideal scenario?

From Germany to all brave Indonesian women out there,

Fetriza Rinaldy