* : 2016

#Travel: Paris is Just Paris

I have to say the only things I love about French-related are their tempting pâtisserie and The Little Prince, a poetic tale written by the French, Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. I had never been to neither Paris or France until I decided to go there last week.

Yes, I have been living in Europe for 2,5 years now yet I was more interested to visit Scandinavia or Eastern Europe during my spare time. I have heard some girls who dreamed of kissing her partner under the Eiffel Tower. It sounds cute but I just don't understand why. In short, I just don't understand what makes Paris the most romantic city in the world.

Back in April, I got accepted to attend a conference in Paris but thanks to my chaotic master's thesis submission, I failed to meet the deadline of completing the documents needed to officially become a participant. So, I canceled all my plans and forgot it for a while. But then, when I was planning for the late-spring holiday to Spain, I said, why not give Paris a try?

So we made a detour to Paris.

We started the romance of wandering down artsy streets where the fashion boutiques and cafés pile up. With just a quick look to those touristy attractions like Arc de Triomphe, Louvre, and Champs-Élysées, we continued to walk to Notre-Dame. The medieval cathedral was unquestionably beautiful, but right in the shadow of the cathedral, there sits a quirky English-bookshop which any bookworms will be almost certain to spend time turning the pages. It was more than happy for us to spend some time under those crooked bookshelves and take some of the books home. We continued to walk down the streets, after. Eiffel and Montmartre were our next destinations.

I enjoyed every single attraction in Paris, even the most touristy ones. But for me, the most beautiful thing I treasured was the moment to walk down slowly, to sit somewhere nice, and to have that deep conversation with the right one.

and I think what makes Paris is Paris itself.

Insincere smile.

#Travel: Catalonia, Barcelona, and Everything in Between

Just few minutes before landing on El Prat International Airport, we flew over the coastline of Barcelona and immediately I said, "Now I know how love at the first sight feels like."

I'm in love with Barcelona, with Catalonia, with Spain.
I'm in love with their warmth and breeze.
I'm in love with the the people I love, with the ones who stay.
I guess, I'm just in love all over again.

En route to Catalonia

I remember you sent me a postcard from Montserrat almost a year and half ago. I didn't manage to reply, I never had a time to visit Spain, although I really wanted to.

But I was thinking about you while I was in Bratislava last year, about the what ifs, about the possibilities.

Life never ceases to surprise me. At least that's what I learned after those sleepless nights.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Bought the tickets to Barcelona, finally.

I'll see your smile in La Rambla next week, take me to the Carretera de les Aigües.

And we will be watching the sunset in Montserrat.

Love,

My Master's Journey in Germany

So I haven't talked much about my master's thesis that has taken me approx. 7,5 months to finish. It was quite overdue, due to several shortcomings happened along the way. Well, might say it was probably normal compared to my bachelor's research which took 10 months to complete (but it turns out to be my first publication, thanks Ibu Endah :')). I think if I were asked what would be the most important thing in taking higher education, I wouldn't say it's a hard work that play a major role but I'd rather say it's a persistence that keeps me going.

Let's put aside any motivational phrases here, for we want to be more realistic. We all live in different circumstances in which no one knows what will happen. So generalizing that everyone will experience the same things would be invalid (and putting Instagram-worthy phrases will be then, lame). That's why I said the most important thing is to be persistent. Persistent to achieve the goals you've set before in whatever condition. That's it.

Since I'm majoring in resource management, my master's thesis was more about (drum rolls) economic analysis. For someone whose previous educational background is focused on natural science, I found myself quite inferior in the field. Yes, I have several professional experiences in resource management, but it couldn't stop me from feeling dumb if I had to argue with my team (supervisor and colleagues) - most of whom had resource economics background.

The fact that I had to take one extra semester to compensate my 6-months leave that I took to do my internship last year, has become a little pressure. Apparently, taking the remaining courses, doing the master's thesis, and going through a process for a job position at the same time was more challenging than ever. Not to exclude a personal-emotional matter happened some time ago. But again I'd say it's persistence that keeps me progressing, even at slower pace, at some points.

I can still recall my first weeks being a master's student, having an "after-class session" at Schneiders, fixing my poor German, and drooling over Indonesian foods I missed the most. I can still recall the day I left Bayern to do my six-months internship in Nordrhein-Westfalen. I can still recall the day I got a bouquet from my team in Essen on my last day with tears flowing on my cheeks, because I am forever in their debt. And I can still recall the days I had to begin my research project with a broken feeling.

Long story short, it was a tiring, remarkable journey. I will definitely devote this to those being my support system during these ups and downs. The time I can finally feel that distance doesn't matter, if the people you love are just one call away. Also the best people I found here in Germany that I wouldn't trade them for anything.

I once said that resigning from my previous job in Indonesia and pursuing one of my life goals outside my country is one of the best decisions that I will never regret in my life, regardless of twists and turns. The knowledge, the precious experiences, the pride, the bitterness that I will pass on to no one but my children.

I would definitely say yes to anyone asking for my opinion whether or not they have to go. Of course, at their own risk. Of course, without exaggerating that living/studying/working abroad will be always lovely.

Because in the end,

It was all worth it.

Because the dream is finally yours.

Love,

F

Letter to Daughter: To Read

Dear Jani,

I wonder if later you will ever want to know why I wrote so many letters for you and why I wanted you to read them later.

That's because I'm very selfish.

I want to give you something that will stay with you for years, for I want you to learn what has taken me years to learn.

I may not be the best teacher for you, but I want you to learn through my stories, my journey, my experiences. I want you to not do the mistakes I did but I want you to do the things I wish I have done.

I want you to go further than me, I want you to go more miles. That's why I love keeping postcards from every place I have ever been to, they're all for you.

I want to tell you stories before your bed time, about the melt-water from glaciers I tasted in Norway, about a stranger I met in Croatia, or about the most delicious Pho I have ever had in Vietnam.

I want you to find someone, that you can talk anything with him. About the cheapest way to go travelling, about the bizarre Scandinavian music you love to listen to, about the furry bipeds in Star Wars or about why do wind turbines have only three blades. I know it sounds weird, but please, go find someone you can be weird with, find someone whose weirdness and intelligence are compatible with yours, because that would be the greatest feeling ever, because that might be the reason why I chose your father.

But Jani, above all, I want you to read. Just like what my mom has taught me. Read before you talk, read before you do, read when you feel right, read when you feel wrong. Read to find the answers.

That's why I wrote all these letters for you, for my children. I want you all to read, there you can learn.

P.S: I don't want to push you to read the books I read, but I promise to introduce you to The Little Prince. You will understand later.

Love from here,

A Colorful Monochrome: Greetings from Düsseldorf

This morning, I was strolling around the downtown of Düsseldorf to find an interesting thing or two. One year ago, this city was a stranger when I first came, not more than a boring monochrome trying to catch my attention. I was too busy, probably.

A year later, I found the city by the river stole my heart in a second chance.

It's colorful, it's pretty.

It's saying,

"Welcome back, gorgeous."

I checked my phone and replied an unanswered text: "I love you too, I'm finally here again."

Greetings from Düsseldorf,

Indonesian Women - We Don't Aim to Make Men Feel Intimidated: An Opinion

As one of those people who live abroad, social media is a tool for us to keep ourselves updated about what's happening in Indonesia (including those Instagram-worthy pictures of delicious foods from new hipster places :p). Until yesterday, I was scrolling down my timeline then stumbled upon a post from Henry Manampiring (whom I've been following on Twitter for years) on how Indonesian women still have to deal with tough choices before deciding to get higher education, of course, influenced by the notion that "women will end up in the kitchen, anyway, so what's the point?" or "higher education would sadly lower a chance for woman to find a husband". What a common (and shallow) view I've been hearing in my whole life.

A very well written opinion from a man's perspective and in my humble wish, I hope more men will perceive educated women not as a threat, but more like a co-pilot they can work with to control the plane, to make everything works. I have this ideal picture in mind that a marriage should function like an airplane. We start at the same point, we plot the routes, we share the same destination. The farther the destination, the longer the routes, the bigger the risk of having troubles, we all know that. Husband and wife relationship should work like pilot and co-pilot, not pilot and stewardess, or even scarier, pilot and passenger.

Okay, stop. People may point at me and say, "you are not married yet, you don't know how it actually feels". Again, this is only an ideal view that I keep in my mind.

Two years ago, I decided to pursue my master's degree and left my country. At that point, I didn't hear any negative judgement regarding my decision from my surroundings. Later I know, it was probably because I grew up in an environment where women are seen equal to men in the context of education and career. Last year, I was on my way from Jakarta to Dubai where I sat next to a mid-aged woman who was on her way to do Umrah (a pilgrimage to Mecca by Muslims). She's from Pelabuhan Ratu (a small region in West Java) and we had a very warm conversation along the way. She asked me where I was going and my heart was shaking after I answered, "to Germany".

"Itu dimana, Neng? Neng nggak takut?" ("Where is it? Aren't you afraid?"), she looked curious.

I felt like the right answer should not just be, "No, I am not".

I am fully aware that sadly, only few women in my country have this courage to say, "No, I am not" if they were asked whether they're afraid or not to take high risks in their lives. Sad to be told, Indonesian society is a complex structure consists of many identities which then contributes to some limitation for women. Not only from the level of education, but also from cultural aspects. I may feel fine because I was raised by a woman who was previously a banker and got married in her late 20s, for example. But what about those who live their lives without even having a choice?

It is still a long way to say "No, I am not" then turns to "Yes, I will take the risks" for some Indonesian women. As mentioned in the post, an ideal scenario of having men and women equal in the context of education and career would hopefully lead to progression of society as a whole may remain a dream for now. As for me, what I can do now (starting from this blog post) is trying to move conventional notion that getting higher education for women will be useless and may that shallow thinking be shifted in a better way.

From what I believe, men and women have their own portion in life. That is why, personally, I could not fully agree on what feminism contains, especially the liberal ones. But I will certainly be on the front line defending the right for women to get education without having any cynical judgement about their choices.

That we don't aim to make men feel intimidated and insecure. The only thing we're looking for is a chance for intellectual growth that we will pass on to our children and see the huge differences in this nation later on.

Wouldn't that be an ideal scenario?

From Germany to all brave Indonesian women out there,

Fetriza Rinaldy

A note to myself on my 27th birthday

I landed my first job after graduation when I was 22. At that point in my life, I felt old. I couldn’t believe that my responsibilities as environmental engineer was that huge, I was nervous to deal with people my parents’ age, I was shaking the first time I delivered my presentation in front of the directors, I wasn’t confident enough to lead the site visit in East Borneo. Yes, I was grateful for being financially independent at such young age but I was too scared to really accept the fact that I had to lose my youth and the fact that I was seeing my bestfriends less and less.

I went to Germany and started off my master’s program when I was 24. I felt like I got the best version of myself back; being in a very diverse environment, going out with crazy people, fulfilling my wanderlust, getting a cool internship, attending conferences and training, falling in love again after a worst break up, while of course, living my dream.

And now I’m just weeks away from the “real life” after my postgrad. Many things happened, the ups and downs, and I started to overthink how my “second real life” will be like. Would it be cooler than the one I had before? Or would I love it any less?

As time went on, I was getting wiser. I was at the point where I realized that those are the chapters of my life that I need to move on. Things started to slowly change, but what has been destined for me, will always stay. I started to think that adulthood is one cool phase in life. Yes, the responsibilities are nuts, bills are growing yet you are saving the money for your children later, but who would've thought that you could fly from continent to continent, you could get your own things, or as simple as the feeling of getting your dream accomplished one by one? (does it sound more like alpha-female things?)

As I turned 27 today, I am not going to sugar-coat anything in life, not even blabbering about the silver lining in every cloud. Life’s dull sometimes and it has nothing to do with whatever the hell you've accomplished or whoever you’re with at the moment. Life could be less exciting sometimes and that’s okay.

Life hits you but you just have to remain graceful.

And I need to redefine what youth means. If it means going out and geeking out with cool people, traveling more miles, listening to indie bands, having coffee at hipster place or fangirling over a character on your favorite book or movie, then I’m absolutely still on it. It’s just the same, only the difference is that I’m better at prioritizing things.

I had a blast today, as always. While women my age would get branded bags or makeups on her birthday, I got a set of board game, monopoly Star Wars edition, and all Star Wars themed stuffs on my 27th. Growing up isn't as awful as it seems.

And I can't thank you enough for the warm wishes (the fact that there are so many things I want to get this year :p)

But all in all, my wish is nothing except that I’m living the life as it is.