A Night in Italy

They said my heart is so cold I could ignore those buzzing hearts trying to catch mine. 

Until I fell into something I could never describe, feeling I could never define.

Never have I thought I would fall for someone in ways I have never been before.

Never has it crossed my mind that finding and losing could be a synonym, sadly.

There was a night in Italy when I was observing a man trying to define a drink he used to like to the 

bartender, unfortunately he forgot its name and the bartender did not get it. 

Then I realised things are better left unsaid,

most of the time.

The World Breaks Everyone

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places."

- Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms

That was my favorite line from Hemingway's A Farewell to Arms that I bought two months ago in a second-hand bookshop in Munich. I started to think that everything will eventually break everyone; we've seen the news of attacks, tragedies, people dying, and heartbreaking pictures everywhere. "What's wrong with the world?" seems to be an unanswered question. We're busy blaming and accusing each other, we take our shredded hearts to hatred and anger, we forget that somehow, sometimes, we need to stop, we need to cut and we need to start it from ourselves.

Broken hearts are prone to hatred and anger but I believe feeling pain is absolutely not equal to hurt someone back or to hurt oneself, for whatever reason. Hatred is dangerous, once it has taken a root in a heart, then it will continue to grow, bigger and stronger.

Cut it out.

As for me, I chose to go on with life, to cut myself out from the love that turned out to hurt me the most, from a man that I love. To delete, to remove things related to this unavailing love just because I don't want to grow hatred, cause I know no one deserves to get hate, no one, including him.

Every pain should come with newfound perspectives. To get better understanding that if one part was broken, then another would get stronger though it takes time. We should be okay with that, I'm okay with that.

and I think it's where the peace begins -- with each of us being peaceful, isn't it?

Pardon Me, Aira

Because I've been away and wasn't able to catch you, because I saw your letter from Alhambra a year ago but never managed to reply, because I loved you but you know some things are better to be left behind, because I know you were there but I wasn't.

Because I found my love here.

and I hope you will.

and I owe you an apology.

Regards from Oslo

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Before Sunrise (Dieng, 2012)

A cold dark night

A wind that blew the trees,

and suddenly turned into something horrific

Desire to find the bright side

Tinge of gold appeared in the sky

Trying to calm everyone, 

that everything will be alright

The sunrise kissed the dark sky, 

turned into a huge blushing face

The soothing breeze

The ray of light,

that strengthened the soul,

and warmed the heart

Filled the void part

Then a dark shadow almost lost

I know the night has gone

It was over

I pleased to let it go

I know there's a huge hope,

If I follow the sun,

and appreciate the sky

To be grateful for what I have around

and remember what I have said,

before sunrise

Dataran Tinggi Dieng

Central Java, Indonesia

December, 2012

Borneo (2)

You might find her in an unusual place

You might find her wearing boots or backpack instead of heels or those branded handbags

You might find her awake all night with her iPod on

You might find her wearing skirt and feeling awkward

You might find her with her mascara on, but still, feeling awkward

You might find her so friendly, a man's best friend, a nice person to talk to

You might find her tough, independent, and free

You might find her smiling when she had just landed from the rig, or came home from the site

You just don't know how she feels

________ _________

Inspired by a friend of mine, Puti. I met her during my field break in Balikpapan yesterday. I arrived at Balikpapan from Sangatta right when she had just landed from the rig. I remember my previous post on a life of woman in man's world and yes, that is our life.

p.s can I say, we are looking for our forever home?

#randomthoughts

Sore kemarin, gue menghabiskan waktu seharian dengan beberapa abang, kakak, dan sudara-saudara gue di elpala (begitu cara kami menyebutnya, bukan lagi sebagai "teman-teman"). Dimulai dari menghadiri sebuah event di Senayan, makan pempek di Megaria (dan sore itu Jakarta mendung dan sangat romantis), dan diakhiri dengan having a quality time sambil minum dan makan-makan kecil. 

Sore itu kami membahas beberapa rencana, dari mulai rencana pendakian kami selanjutnya sampai rencana penyelaman yang sudah kami inginkan sejak lama (semoga terwujud di pertengahan tahun, amin). Semua mengalir, kami masing-masing pastinya memiliki destinasi impian. Komodo, Alor, Tambora, dan lain-lain. Gue sendiri masih penasaran dengan Gunung Rinjani, karena dari SMA (which is sekitar 7 tahun-an lalu) sampai sekarang belum kesampaian. 

When it comes to temptation and pleasure of being in any wild places I've been dreaming of, I could be so impulsive.

Sulit menjelaskan bagaimana rasanya punya mimpi pergi ke suatu tempat atau destinasi yang telah kita impikan sejak lama dan begitu kesempatan itu datang, rasanya seluruh malaikat menyanyikan lagu suka cita dan menari-nari kegirangan. Atau sekedar melihat-melihat gambar dari hasil searching di internet pun rasanya sudah mampu menjadikan mood booster tersendiri.

Yah, kadar mimpi orang memang pasti berbeda-beda. Ada yang tinggi, ada yang cukup sederhana. Bagi yang berkecukupan, mungkin salah satu mimpi duniawi paling pasaran adalah pergi ke suatu tempat (bisa ke luar negeri, bisa ke tempat eksotis dalam negeri), mimpi melanjutkan sekolah yang lebih tinggi, atau mimpi memiliki barang ini, barang itu. 

Tapi, bagi seorang anak kecil jalanan, mimpi itu bisa jadi adalah hal-hal yang biasa kita lakukan sehari-hari dan tidak ada artinya bagi kita. Sesimpel beli Fanta atau mempunyai cukup uang sehingga bisa masuk dan berbelanja di Carrefour. I recommend you to read this post and see how something which seems normal to us could be so fascinating to someone else.

Rasanya memang kita perlu dikelilingi orang-orang pemimpi. Haha terdengar aneh ya, tapi beneran lho, itu seperti ada kekuatan yang entah datang dari mana. Contohnya bersama orang-orang ini, yang tidak saya kenal baru kemarin sore. 

Mimpi bagi kita simpel, mimpi bisa dimulai dari secangkir kopi, segelas bir, atau dari apapun yang menyeruak seiring tetesan hujan. 

Mimpi bisa sesederhana makan bubur di Cikini atau setinggi menjadi pendaki 7 summits.

Yang membedakan mimpi adalah, cara kita memandangnya, membuatnya tak semu, setitik keberuntungan, dan goresan tinta Tuhan.

Living Like a Tree

Have you ever think -- or at least a glance in your mind about the life of a tree?

I was about preparing my final thesis, studying plants (yeah, it may sound weird for some of you) when a flash idea suddenly popped out between my massive headache at those struggling days. 

What comes up when you hear this word: Tree?

Frankly and weirdly it means a lot for me. By ignoring the fact that trees and forests are my research topic and I myself nearly became crazy of it, trees are there, at my interest. 

I will not preach about those stack of plants life or metabolisms or transportation or nutrition or cell communication or even gases exchanging (fakyea my thesis!). They are freaky.

But take a deeper look on these:

1. No matter how tremendous the storms are, a tree will always stand tall after all. Storms might destroy some parts of a tree, but life must go on, life continue...

2. After the rain, a tree will be refreshed and recharged. It is gloomy, yet somehow, a tree needs a little rain to feel more brand new, to release the waste. Analogous to human tears, no?

3. Trees can live both in group or solitary. Furthermore, they don't depend one another to live.

4. They do competition. To gain nutrition, light, water, and air. This is where the theory of survival of the fittest rules. They do competition fairly. They don't need to kill one another to be the fittest, nature does. All the tree has to do is just do its best.

5. A tree will stay deeply rooted while reaching for the sky. No matter how tall it will be, the 'feet' always on the ground.

6. A tree absorbs what-they-say-as-a-waste: carbon dioxide. Accept and process them into more useful form. As a sweet 'revenge', tree will release oxygen needed by nearly all living things. A lesson about sincerity

7. Tree provides a shelter, even to strangers. From herbs, small plants, animals to human. 

8. Tree will survive and always be prepared for the changing seasons. There's no such a thing like "I'm not ready for the changes".

9. Tree will always take positive energy. Soak up the sun no matter how terrible the sun light.

10. And after all, a tree lives in harmony and balance with nature.

Happy World Forest Day, for you who care :)

credit:

picture taken from here

#randomthoughts

During these days, I've been a listener to my friends of mine's murmurs. Since I had more times catching up with them as I moved to Jakarta in few months, I've been providing my ears (or my eyes if we're having an indirect conversation through mobile) to be told to. I found myself, I'm not a good problem-solver. I never learned any serious psychological lessons in my past life (might be a little as I learned about organisms). 


But, I tried to analyze this. That problems are worse when you think about it over and over, even worse when you have nothing to do with it. Then, the saying that "Problems are less painful when you share" will have no sense. That problems are just the matter of a perspective and the rest is just how good you play with it. Haha, I know I'm also a vulnerable human being that sometimes I lose my grip and fragile. If one asking me how good I deal with problems that come, I'll probably answer, I don't really know. Once I had problem, the next thing I know was everything got better itself as I tried to fix as much as I can (no matter how good or how poor I tried) and the rest was just let it flow and it is your environment, your friends, the atmosphere play a role. At least that's how I survived my life so far.


Overthinking is shitty, the one that you can control in, blackhole of mess you can't resist. Believe me, everyone has it in lifetime, even a cool motivator or a preacher has the 'right' to overthink, I'm sure. But my friend, life can never be so easy, life can be unfair. But whining gain nothing, overthinking will just lead you nowhere if there's no way to get out and conquer, you possess. Do not harm people around you by thinking they don't understand what you feel. If they are more like shit to you, just make it fuck them as a joke, make it funnier or take their positive energy (if you want to).


Whoa, this is just my own thoughts, for sure. In my 23, I learned that happiness is not a goal, happiness is created along our way to reach the goal itself by our own and more importantly, to be happy or not to be, it's in your hand.
Oh yes, I had been working on my laptop for hours then I ended up with one article in Whiteboard Journal: Happiness According to Alfred Hitchcock (a British film director, producer). Here's the interesting line that came up from him: 

“Happiness is when you have a clear horizon, when all negative emotions are removed you can look forward, the road is clear ahead and now you’re going to create something. I think that’s as happy as I would ever want to be.” 

and here's the video:

23

A day that has always been my favorite day of the year. That day began with a little surprise from a friend at midnight (frankly, it was 15 minutes earlier from 00.00) a simple yet touchy surprise. Flooded with greetings as well as wishes. They wished me all the best luck in remaining years, from health to love life, to accomplish dreams, to be grateful in every circumstance.

Meet some best friends is beautiful way to celebrate your birthday and I did that. I came to Bandung, met some friends of mine, had a birthday lunch, got a surprise, felt the missing atmosphere. They were still the same, our inside jokes were still the same, that's how we spend our togetherness. Some of them are preparing for their thesis and graduation while some (including me) are on our way to reach dreams. 

I don't know exactly why a birthday mostly related with wishes, but I think the idea behind that is probably warn a birthday man that her/his remaining years shrink, her/his time is limited. That's why they have to chase what they dream about. 


If I am allowed to say my wishes, it should be this:


- To be always healthy, blessed, and loved
- Doing my job and gaining experiences as much as possible in my field---ecology or environment for 2 or 3 years ahead
- Continue school for master degree in environmental engineering or any related fields after 2 or 3 years from now (I don't mind if I have to resign from my company)
-Planning to get married, after that.


One of my inspiring best friends, Arkasha Sadhewa said in her post  "They're just dreams, visions, for now, at least. The next step is the planning. And I'm excited. I've never felt this excited about my life in such a long time, it feels surreal. It would be such a cliché to say that I'm so happy right now, but I am. And I really believe things will just get better from now on. I just know."


Yes, I am happy

Would you still be thankful?

I read an article in one of online journal about how grateful the author is for every single circumstance he's in. Once, I had my own writing with (more or less) same issue, to be thankful for every single thing I had, so far. Some friends did the same, grateful for all the happiness came in their life, to say more and more thank yous, to things, to people, to universe, to God.

But, do we need to be thankful only when we get what we want? 

When you got a full paid scholarship?

When you got a high paid job?

When you got in to good school/college/university?

When you can buy luxury things?

When you are born in wealthy family?

The answer should be "no", yes?

What if,

You are born in poor family?

You don't even dare to think how luxury things look like

You don't even dare to think how good education feels like

Would you still be thankful?

The answer should be "yes"?

Of course, since we never experienced it, it'll be difficult to feel it. We can't generalize, we can't easily generalize. To be thankful is necessary, but to be cocky of it, is a different thing. Be grateful, but don't wrapped in vanity. That two contrast situations are good to contemplate. Lucky, if you find yourself not in a poor side.

Thus you can say, "I am grateful for every single circumstance I am in."

year of battle, struggle, and strive (to be continued)

One year ago, I was thinking about what will happen in my life this year, how can I get through this year with all the stuffs I have to deal. I started this year by doing activities that barely give me time to rest, or even breathe. I didn't list my resolutions nor my wishes at that time. Some philosophers kept saying to go with the flow and I believe that, oh at least for the moment. As for me, If it's meant to be, it'll happen.

However, as social beings, I don't live by myself, my ego and only thinking about my own needs without considering others. I got to the point "I can not go with the flow anymore or I should make my own flow and let it be". Then, at the moment I made a decision.

Unfortunately, it didn't happen as well as I wished.

I was confronted with problems or even with myself.

I can say, in the middle of this year, I was at my lowest point, almost gave up and fucked up everything and let myself drown in a sorrow deeper and deeper.

You know, when you feel like you really don't know what to do, it is actually not. You know what to do but you don't realize because of super-shit-holy-shit feelings inside your mind and I have to deal with these. Don't ask me about how was my holiday at that time, I never had it.

Until there was something led me back into the path, it was a responsibility, I guessed.

“And it may be that you dislike a thing, which is good for you and you like a thing, which is bad for you, God knows, but you do not know. “

Once I looked back and at the same time I imagined my future dreams. I tried to combine them through a line, a line that require me to finish all of these and so I pulled myself back. I did my best, God did the rest. That was the only thing in my mind. I ignored all the cynical gaze by some people, ignored the one who yelled "Oh c'mon you can not finish as easy as you thought, it is just too hard"

Here I am

I almost have completed this year with so much energy and fortunately it filled back with the love from people I love like an empty glass that needs to be filled with water, I never feel empty. I graduated in October with great feeling, perfect score and remarkable celebration. If you ask me now how was my last holiday, I will proudly answer it, it was fantastic. I am a living witness of that saying "no pain, no gain". It is true, for me.

Although now I have to deal with something bigger and those missing-feeling-thingy which can suddenly appear in my head and heart. I really thank God for this hard yet remarkable year and of course I thank you who read this. If there are any other words better than "thank you",  I will do, I ran out of words to say.

I started move away from campus life and my whole life there. Sad, but man, it's life.

I completely know that the following years will be more difficult to me, the battle, struggle, and strive will be continued.

It may be more complicated than I thought or may be less. I'm on my way to be a person as it should be, as God defined my fate when He created me at first with a little spoon of my own efforts, energy, and love. The last one is my source of happiness, I know.

Now, in these few days before step in to the next year, again I have to deal with such a dilemma. I was invited  by one of the mining company to join them. As I said before, exactly what I said one year ago, "If it's meant to be, it'll happen", if I should go, then I will go.

Yes I can say to you, life is a cycle. Life is a series of starts and finishes, there is no start without finish and vice versa.
One thing I can assure you, I'm still go with the flow, but now, in my own flow.

Oh, Merry Christmas too :)

Berbagi

Sudah sebulan sejak saya meninggalkan Bandung beserta kehidupannya, sejak itu pula saya memasuki masa transisi ini. Kenapa masa transisi? Ya karena saya sedang mempersiapkan sekaligus memantaskan diri untuk memasuki chapter berikutnya dalam hidup saya. 

Kebiasaan-kebiasaan saya dulu, 4 tahun yang lalu sebelum akhirnya pindah ke Bandung kembali saya lakukan. Sesederhana membaca koran setiap pagi, ataupun kalau tidak sempat, maka akan dibaca malam harinya. Dulu waktu masih jadi mahasiswa boro-boro baca koran, bangun untuk kuliah pagi aja mukjizat.

Kembali berinteraksi dengan orang-orang dengan latar belakang berbeda, obrolannya sangat luas dari sekedar obrolan tentang pekerjaan di tempat saya sementara bantu-bantu proyek sampai obrolan mengenai Nunun yang baru saja ditangkap di Bangkok. 

Making Decision

Feels weird when you wake up, you are no longer doing your routines over the last 4 years. You find yourself in a familiar place, but you left your heart somewhere. You are no longer dealing with the tasks, but now you are dealing with the choices. You can still enjoy your morning coffee or toast, but feels there's a little difference inside.

There are parts of you that want to reject and bring you back to the past, yet another part force you to keep moving. So here I am, I have made a decision, no need to write here.

But as I said before, I left my heart somewhere, I left my heart in Bandung.

One mission: accomplished

Saya sudah melewati salah satu tahap penting dalam hidup saya -sidang dan kelulusan

Walaupun belum secara resmi, tapi bulan ini, tanggal 3 (dan entah kenapa selalu berhubungan dengan angka 3) saya sudah berhasil melewatinya dengan nilai sempurna.

Semua perjalanan punya cerita, cerita selama 4 tahun ini dan terutama selama 7 bulan terakhir mungkin ga akan bisa diceritakan sepenuhnya disini. Tapi yang jelas, saya sudah memilih salah satu keputusan yang besar, saya ingin lulus, tahun ini.

Bukan academic oriented, pertanyaan-pertanyaan "Untuk apa lulus cepet-cepet?" terlalu sering ditanyakan. Saya bisa membalikannya, "Untuk apa lulus lama-lama?". Jika ditanya sudah siap memasuki dunia profesional atau belum, mungkin sampai kapanpun jawabannya akan "belum", makanya harus dipaksa. Lagian kesiapan diukur dari mana coba?

Tanggung jawab sebagai anak pertama menjadi salah satu alasan terbesar saya. Orang tua tidak pernah membebani, lingkungan yang membentuk saya. Saya terbiasa mandiri dan ingin bebas. Ada sesuatu yang ingin saya kejar di luar sana, tapi sebelumnya, saya harus menyelesaikan dulu apa yang saya mulai disini. Sulit pasti, tapi percayalah berhasil lepas dari "ketek" orang tua sangat membanggakan, saya mulai bisa merasakannya sedikit demi sedikit, mudah-mudahan akan berhasil sepenuhnya dalam beberapa waktu ke depan.

Bersyukur apa yang saya mau tidak selalu dituruti dari dulu oleh papa mama hingga membentuk kepribadian saya sampai sekarang, jika ingin sesuatu, usaha sendiri jangan menyusahkan orang lain. Kalau iya, mungkin sekarang saya dengan egois sudah punya materi atau kebutuhan tersier lainnya atau semua kemanjaan yang didapat. 

Saya selalu ingin bebas, mungkin ada sisi baik dan buruknya. Sama seperti 7 tahun lalu ketika pertama kali saya ingin masuk menjadi anggota pencinta alam dan ditentang habis-habisan, tapi toh cerita-cerita saya naik gunung dan prestasi selalu diselipkan di sela-sela perbincangan mama papa dengan kebanggaan mereka dan hingga saya lulus kuliah ini, ilmu-ilmu yang saya dapat sangat berguna.

Salah seorang pernah bilang, "Untuk apa lulus cepat-cepat kalo ilmu lo masih cetek?", sekarang dibalik: memang kita harus nunggu ilmunya penuh dulu sampai ketumpahan baru lulus? Ilmu dan pengalaman ga terbatas di bangku kuliah dan tidak berhak seseorang menghakimi orang itu dengan ilmu yang dimilikinya.

One mission: accomplished

16:16

I was working on my sheet when accidentally I saw the digital clock on my phone screen, it was 16 : 16. I personally have experiences with this case, I have experienced it many times or at least in the last two weeks, almost every day or even several times a day and it just happened that way. At first, I ignored it but then I thought maybe it is more than just a coincidence, probably has a deeper meaning, who knows?

Then I googled it: the meaning of repeating numbers. There are many interpretations about this, from the simple one like: "There's someone missing you out there" (the most common one, but still it makes you guess who is missing you? ;p) until the complicated answers related to numerology or tarot.

An article gave me explanation about this phenomenon, from the point of view of numerology: it is obviously explained that "When numbers begin repeating themselves around you it is often a signal that you are on purpose in life, and to be awake for new opportunities... a signal to connect with your soul "

Each set of repeating numbers has a different meaning, for example if you keep seeing the same number pattern like 2:2, or 22:22, it means you are dealing with the productive part of your life, perhaps your job, career etc. So, every number has its meaning, describe in what part of life you are dealing with or you must pay more attention to.

On other article, I found that the repeating numbers means the people who is seeing that, have a strong intuition. Well, I'm not into kind of those who believe in any prophecy but as a person who's dealing with science, I appreciate those explanations based on numerology, I personally believe that there's a meaning behind every number. I'm not expert at this and basically this isn't my field, but I believe, when you are dealing with numbers, you're dealing with the universe too.

Take, Leave, and Kill?

Take nothing but picture
Leave nothing but footprints
Kill nothing but time

Pertama kali diberikan konsep ini waktu di ELPALA dulu, ketika baru masuk, sekitar 7 tahun lalu (wah lama, ya?). At first, saya mendengarnya cuma selewat aja, ya belum kepikiran kayanya jaman dulu. Dulu naik gunung, yaudah naik gunung aja. Padahal sebenarnya secara ga sadar (atau mungkin setengah sadar) saya belajar banyak  dari situ.

Ketiga baris ini ternyata punya makna yang sangat dalam. Kalo aja semua orang menerapkan ketiga baris ini, terutama ketika mereka bersentuhan langsung dengan alam, (mungkin) akan minim sekali degradasi, deforestasi, kepunahan, atau kerusakan-kerusakan lainnya seperti yang sering didengar sekarang. Jangan ambil apapun kecuali gambar, jangan meninggalkan apapun kecuali jejak kaki, dan jangan bunuh apapun kecuali waktu. Datanglah ke alam bukan karena ingin dikagumi, tapi datanglah untuk mengagumi, as simple as that. Dari rasa mengagumi itu, maka akan muncul rasa sayang, lalu rasa memiliki, ketika sudah ada sense of belonging, ga mau dong melihat yang kita sayangi dikotori dan dirusak begitu aja?

Tapi namanya juga manusia, yang suci 100 % ga akan ada. Saya dan yang membaca ini juga pasti pernah melakukan tindak pengrusakan atau at least, buang sampah sembarangan. Saya ga akan membahas regulasi disini, ya sudah terbaca lah sistem regulasi di negara ini gimana. Most important, kenapa ga mulai dari pribadi dulu? Terus caranya gimana? 

source: Elpala Doc

• Entah mungkin karena didikan jaman dulu atau apa, ketika melakukan suatu trip, saya terbiasa untuk menyimpan lagi sampah (terutama sampah pribadi) di ransel, sampai akhirnya saya menemukan tempat yang memang seharusnya jadi tempat pembuangan. 
• Males bawa sampah di ransel? kurang efisien? nah coba minimalisasi logistik yang berpotensi menghasilkan sampah dalam jumlah banyak. Kurangi bawa kemasan sachet, membawa logistik yang sifatnya 'share' juga akan sangat membantu.
• Sebenarnya ada pilihan lain juga, yaitu membakar. Tapi yang ini ga saya rekomendasikan, karena efeknya yang cukup 'berarti' juga, ini mungkin bisa jadi pilihan terakhir daripada ngebiarin sampah geletakan gitu aja. 

Mungkin intinya adalah, hargai alam sama seperti kamu ingin dihargai, coba belajar untuk mengagumi tanpa ada keinginan untuk dikagumi, enjoy every trip, enjoy every second within.

With the saying, at Bukit Bangkirai, Kalimantan Timur

Niche

Pertama kali saya belajar konsep niche adalah 2 tahun lalu, ketika mengambil mata kuliah ekologi, bidang yang akhirnya saya pilih sebagai konsentrasi saya untuk tugas akhir. Niche atau kalau dalam bahasa Indonesia bisa diartikan sebagai relung adalah konsep dasar ilmu ekologi, konsep dasar bagi setiap spesies yang ada di bumi ini.

In other words, a species niche consists of all the factors necessary for its existence - approximately when, where, and how a species makes its living (Molles, 2009)

Ada beberapa definisi niche yang berbeda dari beberapa pakar ekologi. Namun akhirnya sampai pada suatu pernyataan bahwa pada 2 spesies dengan niche yang identik, maka kedua spesies tersebut tidak akan koeksis, artinya akan terjadi kompetisi dan hanya salah satu yang akan survive.

"When two species compete, one will be a more effective competitor for limited resources, that is, will be more effective at converting resources into offspring. As a consequence, the more effective competitor will have higher fitness."

Jadi setiap spesies, kalau menurut saya, sudah punya niche masing-masing, karena itu dasar, semua faktor yang mendukung hidup dan kehidupan kita, itu adalah niche kita. Tentu faktor-faktor tersebut berbeda antar satu spesies dengan spesies lain, atau mungkin antara satu individu dengan individu lain. 

Masalahnya adalah, resources terbatas, dan sudah jadi kodrat setiap yang bernyawa di bumi ini, kita akan berjuang untuk mempertahankan eksistensi kita, itulah mengapa ada kompetisi, so that we can survive. Oke, mungkin skala pengertian niche disini adalah antar spesies, jelas niche kita, manusia dengan pohon pasti berbeda. Tapi kalau menurut saya, kadang konsep ini bisa appropriate juga untuk antar individu.

Ambil contoh manusia, memang benar kita sudah punya niche masing-masing, path kita masing-masing, fate atau apalah. Kalau begitu kenapa terjadi kompetisi?

• Pertama, back to the concept, resource terbatas, akan ada irisan kebutuhan, maka akan terjadi kompetisi, salah satu akan menang.
• Kedua, tidak semua dari kita yakin dengan apa yang kita tuju, tidak semua dari kita konsisten dengan apa yang kita jalani. Ini bagian tersulit, masalahnya adalah sangat sulit memastikan apakah kita sudah ada di path yang tepat atau belum. Mengutip dari salah satu quote : "The most difficult thing about finding your own path is that you're already on it", kadang kita tidak sadar bahwa (sebenarnya) kita sudah ada di jalan yang tepat.
• Poin nomer 2 diatas menuju pada ketidakkonsistenan, contohnya begini : kita belum yakin benar dengan cita-cita kita, bakat kita dimana, lalu dalam perjalanan, kita melihat orang lain, dia sudah yakin benar dengan bakat dan cita-citanya. Lalu kita terinspirasi, kita mulai mengikuti jejaknya, namun pada akhirnya dia berhasil kita tidak. Lalu kita berhenti sampai disitu, dan terpengaruh lagi dengan orang lain, lalu kita ikuti lagi , lalu gagal lagi. Begitu seterusnya

The point is, kompetisi itu menurut saya pasti, yang terpenting adalah kita tahu apa yang menjadi kebutuhan kita (dan bukan hanya sekedar keinginan), menulusuri path kita, niche kita. Every creature has their own niche, masalahnya ya itu tadi seperti yang sudah disebutkan diatas.

Ini menurut saya, saya bukan ahli ekologi, lulus juga belum, tapi kalau boleh berpendapat, inilah pendapat saya.

Anonymous Post

We cannot change what's already in place but it doesn't happen to the dawn which replacing the night

I started thinking that every day always begin with the darkness, then sun appears, warm at first, burns later. 

then it calms down slowly, makes beautiful scenery if we're lucky enough to see and it vanished, at last.

Then it comes to the part, the most hated for some people, the night, darkness again and the day ends.

A simplification of life, let say an analogy, merely but actually not that simple. We should not ignore the cloud, lightning, rain, or rainbow. They might be warning, they might not.

So If I may conclude, in general, we all started the same journey, same pattern of life. There will be the dark, there will be the light, there will be warning.

We cannot refuse when the rain comes, no one to blame, but we can think how to survive.

We may cry, we may be angry but it won't change anything or it just drown you into deep slums you dont like.

So, now the question is, where are we now?

a contemplation

The story I'm going to share here is quite personal but let's find there are some notes to learn in order to contemplate life.

Here, in the last months to stay, when I've done almost all the academic stuffs, when my final project done and started to write, this contemplation comes. I've been through a process,  a phase in life. My final project is about mountain, forest, and its dynamics. I have to walk for hours to reach my plot, I don't even need a GPS to guide or lead me home. This place turns to be the place I love the most, the place where I (and we) truly belong.


There are no disruption, distraction, confusion, all dissapear as the signal slowly go and I enjoyed it. I am not a person who's physically strong but I know how to enjoy every trip. When mother nature speaks, cold air, bad weather or even gale can't bring me down, they taught me how to appreciate life, to be grateful for all the blessings.


How the smell of trees, a sprawling bush, a petrichor after the rain, a clean sky, stars and moon within work together, build the atmosphere, indescribable feeling. Looks tiring for some people, why don't you just working in a lab or somewhere looks fun? no, it's not me. That is for some people, but not for me.

This isn't a first mountain, every place made a history, a story, but Papandayan has become a part of my journey. How every single thing related to it has given many lessons about time-management, respect, self-confidence, decision, courage, maturity and other things. I feel honed, physically and mentally.


"Do not complain", if one thing life has successfully taught me, it must be that.

The goal itself is not about graduation but how many things we can learn from time to time. It's not about to be graduated on time or late. It's about how things can make yourself unbreakable. It is not about leaving or being left, it is you making a decision, it is you create your own fate. It is not about perfection, it is how much you can learn perfectly. 

So as this contemplation comes, I deserve a contemplation of yours :)

Today I realize how very blessed I’ve been

Tugas Akhir ini memang masih panjang, masih banyak data yang belum diambil, masih banyak pekerjaan lab yang menunggu dan juga masih panjang perjalanan saya menuju kelulusan. Tapi ketika saya kembali melihat lagi dokumentasi dan mengingat-ingat perjalanan yang sudah saya tempuh sejauh ini, rasanya dangkal sekali bagi saya untuk mengeluh.

Ketika banyak teman yang dengan senang hati membantu saya, rela hari-hari liburnya digunakan hanya untuk menemani dan membantu saya bekerja di lapangan, mereka yang sebenarnya juga punya kepentingan masing-masing entah itu sama-sama lagi mengerjakan TA atau bahkan mereka yang belum merasakan TA sama sekali. Saat itulah saya merasa sangat bersyukur dan berterimakasih dianugerahi orang-orang seperti mereka. Mereka bukan hanya sekedar akan ada di daftar terima kasih di kata pengantar skripsi saya nanti, tapi lebih dari itu mereka adalah salah satu penyemangat saya. 

Tugas Akhir bukan sesuatu yang pantas untuk dikeluhkan, percayalah semua orang juga merasakan hal yang sama walaupun dengan kasus yang berbeda-beda. Bagi saya sendiri Tugas Akhir bukan hanya sebagai syarat kelulusan, tapi lebih dari itu ini merupakan sebuah proses, proses pembelajaran. Tugas Akhir bukan sesuatu untuk dibanding-bandingkan, jalanilah dengan cara terbaik. Hingga pada suatu akhir nanti, ketika semuanya selesai, tidak ada kata yang lebih tepat untuk menggambarkannya selain rasa syukur dan terima kasih.

Salam!